


Clothe Me with the Tainted Dress

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: 摺箔 — Surihaku [18]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Arguing, Bickering, Clothing Porn, Crossdressing, Double Entendre, Fights, Humor, Hypocrisy, Implied Sexual Content, Jewelry, Kimono, M/M, Makeup, Suggestive Themes, Swords, Transvestite, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9373517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Takasugi learned not to piss off the Demon God Saigou thehardway, Katsura wasslightlyamused, and both of them got more than what they bargained for.EDIT:Comes with glossary of Japanese terms.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title: from Lily song "GLIDE"

"Quit fooling around already, Takasugi! Do you _want_ to fight me or not?" shouted Katsura between heavy breaths, sword already unsheathed in hand. A couple of paper screens and calligraphy wall-scrolls behind him either bore at least one slash mark or was shredded to bits completely, and that was not to mention all the tables, cushions, broken bottles and eating utensils strewn about the place. Poor Elizabeth ended up hiding behind one of the toppled tables, awaiting whatever hell to befall him as he held up yet another sign that read "Are these people for real?"

"Are you undermining me, Zura? Well, friends or not, I will make sure you immediately regret your decision." replied Takasugi, sword out and gleaming a spine-chillingly cold light that didn't fit at all with the warm glow from the lanterns illuminating the room, his face a twisted expression that should have made Katsura ultra-cautious under other circumstances. _This_ time on the other hand…

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. I don't need you to make me regret _my_ decision, I need you to make _yours_ whether you want to fight _me_ or fight your _clothes._  Choose one already, stop wasting my time."

It had been a long while since their last encounter, and their reunion party (read: battle) would have gone down much differently were it not for Takasugi's obstructive clothing: a _furisode_ of deepest crimson whose sleeves and hem trailed on the floor thanks to its wearer's height, adorned with a detailed and grand _surihaku_ depiction of a forest of golden autumn leaves and silver _susuki_ grass - a striking and extravagant ensemble of too much gold and _even more_ silver that gave Takasugi's own butterfly robe a run for its money. That was not to mention the slew of ornaments whose material ranged from wood to brass to gold to tortoiseshell - _every single one_ studded with jewels to boot - stuck into his choppy hair. As if having his neck gone stiff carrying that load atop his head wasn't bad enough, there had to be this blasted _kanzashi_ from which hung long beads of pearls reaching past his chin that kept swinging into his face and against each other, creating those irritating dull clacking noises every time he moved his head. And to top it all off, his face was caked with make-up even under his bandages - he was made to remove them as foundation and powder and _eyeliner_ and _mascara_ was ruthlessly applied onto the part of his face that would be concealed anyway. "What nonsense are you spouting?" Takasugi tried his best to sound intimidating, though it would have been just as well that he hadn't tried, "Of course I want to fight you."

"All right." Katsura was about to charge forward… until his friend stopped him.

"Dare land _one_ slash mark upon this garment and both of us shall face the wrath of the Demon God. As you may have guessed, this kimono isn't cheap; in fact, it was given to him as a gift from a wealthy close friend, not bought by Saigou himself."

"Then how am I supposed to fight you?"

"I can take my clothes off."

"No! No no no NO! Whatever you do, keep it on for gods' sakes!" Katsura turned his furiously blushing face away.

"See what problem this poses? I'm damned if I keep this crap on, damned if I take it off!" Takasugi let his sword clatter to the floor, throwing his hands up in frustration. Katsura didn't feel like fighting any more, and so he let go of his own sword and plopped down on his knees, Takasugi following him.

"Shinsuke," Katsura started, "how did it come to this?"

"It's _Shimizu._ I'm known as Takasugi Shimizu here." Takasugi corrected him, "I happened to come across Saigou the other day, whom I immediately recognized as our old comrade, so I tried to persuade him to join my cause, saying that he had always had a beast within him waiting to emerge…" at this, they heard a loud smack echoing throughout the room – the sound of Elizabeth's slapping his board against his face.

"That should teach you not to use the word _beast_ if you want to corrupt the White Loincloth next time, though I doubt if there would ever be a next time." Katsura stifled a laugh, "But don't think that meant I've let you off the hook."

"Did I say I no longer want to fight?" Takasugi moved forward, making Katsura lose balance and fall back, bracing himself on his palms. Takasugi went one step further and pushed his friend so that he was on his back before climbing atop him, straddling his hips, "Knowing you don't fight naked people, I should have taken that as an advantage earlier, but lucky for you, I would never stoop so low as to use such a blatantly dirty trick."

"Saying that does not make you look one bit more honorable; in fact, it makes you seem even more of a _hypocrite_." Katsura said before being silenced right after by his friend's finger against his lips. Takasugi's tobacco-scented breath caressed his face, and it suddenly felt too hot.

"In a way, you aren't wrong. I still end up stripping and finishing you off anyway, but at least," Takasugi lifted his behind and arched his back into a lustful curve, all while licking his lips just to further drive his point home - they were already coloured with a more than generous amount of _komachi-beni_ rouge, so it appeared as though he was licking _blood_ off his lips, which only served to make him look even more alluring, "I know you _like_ it this way."

It went without saying that the resulting spectacle caused Elizabeth to quickly retreat from the room, holding up a board in order to block his sight.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Glossary:**  
>  _Furisode_ (振り袖): a type of kimono characterized by its very long sleeves, worn by girls and unmarried young women.  
>  _Komachi-beni_ (小町紅): traditional water-based Japanese lip paint made from safflowers ( _benibana_ 紅花). Dry _komachi-beni_ is green and turns red when moistened.


End file.
